Musings: A role so miniature!
Sometime ago, or rather, a long time ago
The cosmic energy gathered and under the effect of a force brutal
Scattered into elements so miniature that they still seem so big to us
The scattering, the divisions and the multiplications of the energy carried on...
And born were we, born was I, some little tiny portion of that energy...
So naive to call myself "little"...comparisons make me disappear, well, almost
Time I had, time I took, and the little energy gained wisdom...
Or so as they told me to believe that wiser I am or may be, they are
And a few days later, emerged a question...so profound, so amusing
Few more tiny and wise energies asked me "what's your purpose of being here"
And the quest began, the unending journey towards a non-existent destination
Some termed it evolution, some adaptation, and some called it a quest for superiority
Taking impact as far as possible with ego as the epicentre, is what is seemed to me
But I was engulfed, addicted, theatrically, as I assumed a bigger role on display
As, easy it was, to ignore the length of the act, and focus on the page of a long script
"Wiser" I was becoming, smiles reflecting the pride and the sarcasm
The words were impactful and so was the motion...
Part of the growth it seemed to me, making me happier and wilder
I attained a few peaks, relativity being the king of the moment
And then, all of a sudden, voices of other actors reverberated
Leaving me silent as I walked off stage…
And watching others perform under their own misconceptions of longevity
I faded across the aisles amongst the crowd…
An impact so short lived, and a heap of questions unanswered…
Is all I could take home with me…
Damn evolution and damn superiority, a diluted identity and an inferior soul were the remains…
I had all the time in the world to think about it, and so I did
Moving closer, layer by layer to the inner realms of my being
The layers so polluted by the smoke of the fire raised by the "pertinent" Question…
I reached for the cleaner inside, untouched and ever diminishing…
On the brink of extinction, I could feel the concussion of my soul…
One question, perceived so big, could lead me to jump into an endless Gorge…
Surrounded by shrinking walls and full of noise…
I closed my eyes and realised I was in a dream…
Reverse of reality had become truth of my Life…
I fell asleep…and touched my subconscious…
Next morning, woke up to a brighter day…
Looked in the mirror, the pride had gone from my face..
But the smile remained, subtle, self contained and blissful…
May be I had not answered that question, but it was sleep full of a deep realisation
A tiny portion of the cosmos I am, and few questions are beyond my scope…
The day I find an answer, if I do at all, the peripheries will expand to generate the new ones…
And the energy may leave this shell, disgruntled and entropic
Too serious I had become, about the search for answers…
The process had become a punishment, leaving trails of tears behind…
But now, I felt I have made peace with the Universe again…
Realised how tiny I am and only how impactful I can be…
Its not a process of answering man made questions…
But enjoying the cosmic realm as we walk across…
The energy inside, if it leaves us at peace, and ordered…
Someone else would have it gleefully…
I stepped out of my house, and met a few older friends…
Struggling, fighting, searching, hating, running….and asking…
The same old question…"Whats your purpose of being here"
I smiled and kept walking, whistling to the tunes of the nature!!!
....Saurabh, 20.09.12, Bangalore
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